i want to erase him from my life.
im scared to though. im scared to do such a little thing as erasing him from skype. or deleting his number..or deleting pictures of him..of me and him..but what if he changes his mind again? what if he changes his mind and cant contact me because i deleted him? i need to get him out of my head. out of my heart. but its hard. i dont want to accept the fact my feelings for him was so much stronger than his petty feelings for me..i need to let go. i need to move on. i need to be happy with who im with now. Hell travel the world for me. he makes me feel like everything could be okay with him. that i wouldnt get fucked up again. but i dont know if thats enough. i think about you every day. i cry about you pretty often, too. i blame myself, i really do. and its tearing me apart. i just want to be happy. and ill never be truly happy without you. no matter who im with ill compare them to you, and you..will always win over them. id come crawling back to you AGAIN in a heartbeat. and that scares me. that id put myself out there, leave myself vulnerable just for the little while you decide youll stay with me, until you let me know that im not for you, again. im okay with the little bit of happiness, even if that means a lifetime of pain, unhappiness. youll never understand what this has done to me. i try so hard to let go, but i cant. why did you let me fall for you so fucking hard, and say all those things, if you didnt mean any of it? you said you werent going to leave me again. that you were in it for the long run, that youd do anything to make this work..that youve never felt like this about anybody else. then why am i left here thinking about you every fucking day while even my name probably never crosses your mind. this isnt fair. ive done this to myself. i gave you all the love i had and i didnt get the same in return from you. yet still…i came running back. id do anything to be able to be with you again and youll never want it to work. why am i always the one that cares too much? im tired of this. i need to put myself first. i need to protect myself.i need to let go.i need to learn to be alone.
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